Here's a story for you :
There was a girl, she chose to scar her own heart. No, not because she's a saddist or emopunk. It's because she didnt want to see or know the person that she loved so much hurt her. She didnt want the blood to be on his hands. She'd rather it be on hers. She didnt want to tag him as "the person who ripped her heart into pieces :(". She wanted a perfect untainted memory.
And so, she walked away. She walked away from her treasured love. and broke her own little heart into a million gazillion pieces. It was the worst feeling ever, Heartache. But she only had herself to blame. It was the feeling of, so near, yet so far. It was the feeling of, self-torture. It hurts her so bad but she had to do it, because deep down she believed that's the right and only thing to do, and of course, the best for him. As long as he'll be happy, she's willing to be the bad guy, the bitch, the crazy person who no one could ever understand, just so he can lead a better life without her - He doesnt have to make a choice. or maybe she just didnt want the answer to hurt her.
So instantly she decided to bury it. She chose not to cry. She distracted herself and kept telling herself that she deserved better. In time, the sand and dirt got thicker and the bloody heart seemed to have been shoved aside in a pile of dirt. It was unwanted. It was then replaced with a fake, - a mask which made her feeel, as though she's happy again, and she has recovered and moved on. But the truth is, it's just a feeble replacement of the void of a bleeding heart. It wouldnt be strong for long, the mask wears out fast. And soon, she'll find herself to be living in denial. And then comes another fake, which she thought was real. And soon again it got worn out, but everytime this happens, the dirt and sand gets eroded by the rain of tears. - The heart longs to be wanted. Burying it doesnt work.
Suddenly one day, a shovel was dug into the big pile of dirt and dug up the broken heart. It was still bleeeding, the soil stained with blood. She felt so naked. So exposed. SO VULNERABLE. Soon enough, it got attacked by thoughtless words, empty promises, and what ifs from the same direction. She thought she saw a cure. But it was actually salt. Salt on a wounded heart, how does that feel? It didnt took long for it to succumb into the darkness of the same hole he left. And then again, it was broken. But this time, she chose to live with it. She chose to dwell in sadness. She chose to cry. She didnt walk away.
And because she stayed, she started to see the clear, whole picture. She started to understand and remember THE REASON she walked away in the first place. Because all this sadness has been foreseen in her mind, but her heart did not want to believe it - It was still living in its untainted memory, and it was deceived by empty words and what ifs. And so it landed onto a bush of thorns, IT GOT HURT BY THE LOVE OF ITS LIFE. BUT at least, this time, she followed her heart, and left no what-ifs behind.So from there, she was reassured that there was never a way back. There was never a better ending. The ending would always be the same. And she gathered up the courage to walk away a second time. But this time, it hurt less. Because she knows FOR SURE, that she is making the right decision, and the memory was never perfect. :)
and thus, she chose to live around the hurt. She was at first terrified of the lonely nights - that's when her weak heart would ache the most. But soon, she realised that loneliness and heartache would come knocking on her door every night, whether she liked it or not. Therefore, the only way out, is to say hi to it every night, and let it pass by. Live around it. And soon, hopefully, it would visit less often when she couldnt even care less to say hi anymore. She was afraid. But she soon realised as a rose cant live without the rain, so a heart can't love without risk of pain.
Her heart is healing, and soon, she will be able to really love again. XOXO
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